I got hit by a grief wave at some point in the early hours this morning. Completely out of the blue as I’ve been swimming in much calmer waters of late. When this happens I’m always reminded of the image above which one of my outstanding sisters shared in the weeks following our fathers passing in Feb 2017.
As I guess we all do when something as painful as the loss of a close family member or friend occurs, I’ve thought a lot about the grief I’ve felt and how it has impacted me since he died. What I’ve come to realise is that the overwhelming pain of this loss didn’t create new grief but merely added to that which I had allowed to build up over a few years. Some of this has been about death, the loss of my Auntie, Uncle and Cousin over a relatively short space of time certainly had more of an impact than I had previously understood. There has been more to it than this though, I think I’ve been grieving many things; relationships that have ended or have changed for the worse, my children growing up and no longer being the babies they once were, the changes in me which have impacted my confidence and prevented me from realising whatever potential I have and a broader sense of loss for a world we are leaving behind and the one we are creating for our children and their children after them.
I like the definition of grief in the image because that is exactly how it often feels for me. When the waves come all I can do is try to swim through, or with, them until calmer waters prevail. Sometimes that happens very quickly, at other times it feels like I am under the wave unable to breath and I won’t make it through. So far, I always have though and as long as I keep on swimming, whatever the waters, I’m sure I will be ok.