Suitcase Blog

So I’ve just arrived in Budapest. A man with a fancy hat carried me up to the hotel room which was nice although I’m perfectly capable of wheeling myself. I am tired though as I’ve been on it like a car bonnet in Amsterdam for two days.

That chap who put all these ridiculous outfits inside me isn’t here so I’m going to help myself to the contents of the mini bar then hide in the wardrobe so he still thinks I’m missing when he gets back. This is partly self preservation as he was once sick in me when we were together in Poland after he’d consumed one too many shandy’s.

I’ve had a belting two days. I couldn’t believe my luck when the idiot checked me in as he’s too lazy to lug me about as hand luggage. As has become my habit I waited until we arrived in Amsterdam for the connecting flight and then threw myself of the conveyer belt and made a dash for freedom. My best friends, Briefcase, Basketcase and Headcase were already waiting for me in our favourite bar so we spent a lovely afternoon getting wasted before heading over to the red light area to find a lady willing to explore the uncharted delights of making love to a suitcase. It usually costs a little more but the idiot always packs money inside me so I’m flush.

As I’m a nice suitcase I usually take pity on the idiot and head back to the destination I’m supposed to be in after a while. Obviously I bought some class A drugs and hid them deep within me so that on our return journey he gets arrested and thrown in prison. For some reason it’ll be him that gets the blame even though it’s me that’s carrying them.

Anyway must go. I can hear him trying to operate the key card to get in the room. Experience tells me that I could still have a good hour before he manages it but I’m ready for a snooze anyway. These mini bar drinks have gone straight to my handle.

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