Mindfulness exercise (or not)

I did an exercise on a course once. If memory serves it was related to the subject of ‘mindfulness’ but I could be wrong about that. The idea was to get a pen and paper and, without thinking or planning, start writing. Whatever came to mind as the pen touched the paper you just wrote it down. Again I can’t actually remember what the point of the exercise was but it was probably something to do with creativity and being in the moment.

My thoughts are all over the place today so I thought I’d have a go at replicating the exercise to see what happens. Of course it won’t quite be the same as I’m typing on my phone rather than writing it down. You’re also going to have to trust me that I won’t go back and edit anything at the end before I publish it on the blog. I’d be cheating if I did and cheaters never beat.

Ok, here goes. I’m emptying my mind and counting to ten. I promise at this point I have no idea what I’m going to write….

I feel guilty. I’m not having the best day in my head yet I’m currently sitting by the pool outside a lovely Villa. How can this be right? It makes me loath my weakness.

My son Max is worrying me. He’s very quiet, keeps retreating to be alone and says he’s ok when I ask. He reminds me of me and I worry how much damage I’ve done him and his brother these last few years. When I’m good I’m ok, but when I’m shit I’m shit.

The tomatoes are always so much better abroad.

Can’t decide whether to go out for tea or not later. It’ll mean driving the hire car which I fear. I do fancy a steak for tea though.

My friends don’t like me as much as they used to do. This bothers me a lot. I’d like to be better but when I try too hard it goes wrong.

I hope Liverpool get through tomorrow night. I have a bad feeling though.

Had a nice message exchange with a female friend earlier. Makes me smile the circumstances in which we met. That night was a shocker. She’s cool though and has been very kind to me.

Max is funny. Charlie is brave.

I was at my happiest when I had a ball at my feet.

Sometimes when I’m swimming I feel like never stopping.

I’m proud of my brother.

I’m still angry with my brother.

I’m proud of my brother.

I wonder what my Dad thinks of me now.

Thinking a lot about the usual as usual. I wish I wasn’t but it is what it is.

I wonder if Brexit will actually happen. I hope note. The EU have got the message now and will be more likely to accept our role in reforming from within. Out suits nobody no matter what spin we’re spun.

I’d happily retire here.

I’m glad I brought my slippers.

Benidorm next week. I can tell already I’m going to be a little crazy. Paul won’t be happy.

I love my gardener but it’s complicated. I don’t think she’d be that bothered if I died.

Maybe she would, but only because of the kids.

Somebody (I don’t know them) sent some feedback on one of my blog posts saying they didn’t believe I was trying to help anybody and that everything I write is self centred and designed to bring attention to myself. I think they’ve probably got a point and I’ll need to watch that. It also made me glad they haven’t seen my Facebook posts.

I post links to my blog on a Liverpool forum. They give me a lot of stick as well but as they’re Liverpool fans I forgive them.

I guess I’m still thinking about how many people will read, like or make comments on this. As I said my feedback friend has a point.

I do get some good feedback as well though. I just don’t believe any of it.

There’s a lemon tree next door. I’m going to send the teenager over the wall in a bit to steal some.

I might write something about a talking dog one day. I’d write about a talking goat but nobody would read it.

My erotic fiction post continues to out perform everything else I’ve ever done. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

I’ll probably have to write another one.

I think my Romanian friend is getting bored of me. Can’t really blame them.

Adele told me about someone she once knew who was in a pub and they suddenly declared that they knew exactly what to do and left. They went home and committed suicide.

Depression has been good for my waistline. I’ve lost weight without even trying.

Maybe I’m dying.

If you have a decent vanilla ice cream there is no need for any other flavour.

I’m angry at the way my employment at IPF ended. It hurt.

I’m glad I don’t work there anymore.

I have a lot. I have more than I don’t have.

I think I’ve finally sussed out the point of Instagram.

A lot of my recent thoughts for this exercise begin with the word ‘I’. He had a point.

If I truly love someone I put them first. Probably too much.

The people I truly love rarely love me back. It’s because they’re the ones that know me best.

I’m not easy to love.

The pizza I had last night was too doughy for my liking. Charlie liked his though.

My thoughts are actually quite boring aren’t they.

I didn’t cheat.

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23 thoughts on “Mindfulness exercise (or not)

  1. “I do get some good feedback as well though. I just don’t believe any of it.” I think this all the time. As an author, it’s a lot easier to beat up on yourself than to accept the good feedback. I really like this exercise, and I could see how it lets you clear your mind. I think I may try this on my blog.

  2. Even without knowing why you originally did this exercise i’m interested to try it for myself. You said that your thoughts are boring but I found it fascinating. I learned a lot about a stranger through your random thoughts. You think like I do. You’re thoughts jump around wildly. You seem more tangible somehow…

    1. Thanks, this is a really great piece of feedback. My thoughts were as you describe yesterday so I wanted to see if they were better ‘out’ than ‘in’. I think, on balance I was right as I felt calmer afterwards.

  3. Your blog is yours. If someone else thinks your posts are a bit self centered, they don’t have to read them.

    I would read a talking goat post over a talking dog one any day. Talking dogs are way too cliche. I’d especially read a talking goat post if it’s from the point of view of the goat in the goat simulator game: http://www.goat-simulator.com

    1. Thanks, I’ve been getting quite a lot of stick of late so these comments mean a lot. My kids love that game…

  4. I like how you have just continued to write, no matter whether there was an idea there or not. It’s the only way to keep the writing honest. It reminds me of how funny train of thought can be. My wife had started writing a blog (mummydonetwo) and I’ve been trying to look around at other people’s blogs so that I can understand help her.

    1. Thanks, hope you can take something from mine to help your wife. Even if it’s how not to do things…

  5. Love the post. I love that stream of consciousness and just getting it out of your head. I too do the same thing. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, until now, it’s finally getting good and I can control my thoughts more easily… All I gotta say is, it sounds like you have amazing sons, funny & brave boys, so that in itself is brilliant. I know this is cheesy and stupid to say a loud to a stranger, but you are enough and I hope to see posts that show you loving yourself as much as maybe you doubt yourself. I don’t have any kids and hope that one day I get the beautiful chance, but you have created something so amazing that in itself. I’m a fan of your work! Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I know that’s the hardest thing for me when I blog, is feeling so open, but it really helps.

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