Dear X,

Letter to an ex girlfriend.

I wrote you a letter once before do you remember? It wasn’t my best work, you’d hurt me so much and sending it was a terrible idea. Despite everything I regret that so I wanted to make amends by writing you something new.

You are no longer in my life, apart from your presence in the occasional thought, so will never read this but, if you were, I’d like to think we’d remember together some better times we had before it all went so badly wrong.

When I look back on my life and think about the moments I met people for the first time there are some that I can recall with such clarity that I know they were always meant to have a significant influence on my life.

You are one of those people, although if I’d of known how it would turn out I would have run a mile. Actually, I wouldn’t. It was, what it was. A part of my life that made me who I am and led me towards the part of my life that came after you.

If I close my eyes I can still see you being introduced to me one Monday morning. It’s as clear as if it was yesterday. There are couple of others I have this level of recall over but not many.

I know you are happily married now, a grandmother no less. It’s hard to believe the young woman I knew all those years ago has a grandchild now. These days I can think of all that and be completely happy for you. It’s to my shame that it took so long.

You taught me a lot. I learned that I could love and be loved at the same time, even if it was fleeting in our case. I understand how much pain one person can cause another but I also know that it can pass. You also shared your secret ingredient for lasagne, how to make weak tea properly and why kitchen bins should be avoided.

I remember that we used to be able to talk for hours on the phone. Every night at 8pm we’d speak, we shared so many secrets in those conversations. Probably more than I ever did with anyone else.

It’s not impossible that our paths will cross again. If they do I hope we can smile, say hello, wish each other well and say goodbye. Nothing more is required but it seems important to me that we could do this if the moment ever came.

This will be posted as part of my blog. I’ve left your name out of it but there will be a few who will read and remember. I hope they will respect the spirit of the letter and keep your name to themselves. It really isn’t about anybody else sharing our truth.

Anyway, maybe the idea of a letter to you is still a bad one but hopefully, this time, the content is better.

Take care of yourself always.

Phill X

You can read other posts that form part of a series of letters by clicking the links below:

Dear Blog
Dear People
Dear Depression
Dear Dad
A love letter to myself
A Letter to Max

30 thoughts on “Dear X,

  1. Very poignant post. Ah, yes, I expect we all have that ‘someone’ – I know I do. It’s oh too easy to look back over your life and wonder how things might have turned out if only…

  2. Don’t live in the land of “what ifs” and “if only” !! It’s a curse! But we all know THAT person. Very deep post! Thanks for sharing!

  3. This was so lovely! We all have that 1 person that has left us regardless of how. Beautifully wrote.

  4. This “X” must have meant a lot to you. Your letter is so full of emotion and honesty. Its crazy how someone can be such an integral part of your life and then just like that they become a mere memory.I have had several “Xs” in my life and from time to time I think back and smile at the memories and wonder “what could have been”

  5. what a beautiful and heart wrenching post to write to someone you once loved. i did it once to my past significant other and it released me totally from all the hurt.

    1. Thanks, this means a lot. Gave me an opportunity to reflect on the past and remember those lessons in my present.

  6. It’s very well written. We may at times hate to admit, but our past relation often play a huge role in shaping us and our future. At least in my case.

  7. Oh that’s just made me cry. How lovely is that. You have such a way with words. Like really gentle and clear.

    I wish I had memories of exes like that. What a shame it didn’t work out for you both.

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