New Years Resolutions…

New Years Resolutions…

I’m not usually one for making New Years resolutions as they play havoc with my inherent commitment to catastrophic failure.

I thought I’d give it a go this year though. Apart from anything else the dishwasher needs emptying and compiling this list is a useful diversion from that particular chore.

So without further ado, I give you my New Years resolutions for 2019:

1. I resolve to fail catastrophically at everything I do apart from everything I do. Of course I will fail sometimes but I resolve to adopt a more positive mindset around these setbacks. No longer will they be my failures as I will steadfastly look for somebody else to take the blame. If there’s nobody obvious around, for me to throw under the metaphorical bus, I’ll blame either the French or Tom Cruise.

2. I resolve to employ my teenage son as head of dishwasher emptying in the household. I’m confident he will be able to discharge this duty effectively without it interfering with his other role as head of looking at himself in the mirror.

3. I resolve to write less on the topic of mental health. As we stand on the precipice of 2019, I feel like the train I ride through life has finally exited the long tunnel it has been traveling through for the last eighteen months or so. Of course there may well be other tunnels ahead but, for now, I can sit back and enjoy the scenery.

4. I resolve to do more when I notice those struggling with their own mental health. I think it’s time I gave them more than just my words.

5. I resolve to teach the world to sing. It might take a while for perfect harmony to be achieved but, if we all commit to ‘giving it a go’, I’m sure we can bash out a decent rendition of ‘I’ve got a brand new combine harvester’ by the peerless Wurzels by this time next year.

Click the link to sing along and make your foot tap involuntarily.

The Wurzels: I’ve got a brand new Combine Harvester.

6. I resolve to find people less annoying. Obviously this will be difficult, as people are annoying, but I aim to start small and build towards some form of mild tolerance. As of noon tomorrow I am no longer annoyed with the fifty six people inhabiting the Pitcairn Islands in the far South Pacific. I’ll probably still be slightly irritated by them for a while yet but I’ll no longer be outright annoyed.

7. I resolve to smile in selfies more. I have received feedback that my attempts to look enigmatic have sometimes come across as looking like someone who’s just had their foot run over by a monster truck. Although I’m sure there is a niche audience out there for this kind of thing, it’s not really what I’m after, so I will try and turn my frown upside down at least some of the time.

8. I resolve to teach my young dog new tricks before he becomes an unteachable old dog. So far I’ve taught him how to saw a lady in half, how to pull a rabbit out of a hat and how to make himself disappear whenever a DIY task needs completing.

9. I resolve to love and to allow myself to be loved.

10. I resolve to go to bed annoyed with myself if I’ve not delivered at least one kindness every day. If I go three days in a row, without achieving this simplest of things, then I additionally resolve to give myself a Chinese burn and report myself to the Police for a crime against decency.

Have you made any New Years resolutions? I’d love to hear them if you have. If you can’t think of any, feel free to ‘borrow’ any of mine.

Happy New Year and thanks for reading this post and any others you’ve subjected yourself to during 2018. If you’re in the mood a selection of these can be found below:


A little bit me, a little bit you…

The Bookshelf…

My bucket list…

We know not what we do…

29 thoughts on “New Years Resolutions…

  1. Hi Phill, I like your small and humble new year’s resolutions 🙂 Personally, I’m not a fan of new year’s resolutions, but
    my main plans for 2019 is to focus on being a freelancer in copywriting and ghostwriting. I’m currently in the middle of discussing a big freelance project and I plan to close a deal in the second week of 2019. And I plan to publish my first self-help ebook 🙂

  2. Happy New Year to you. May you get more views this year. I’m excited to read more of your articles.

    May all your resolutions become reality. 🙂

  3. I haven’t mad any new years resolution cause I don’t really stick to them 😓 But I really enjoyed reading yours they really gave me a lot of ideas to what I should achieve in 2019.

  4. This has to be one of the most honest and funny resolution lists I have read. My list isn’t as well written as yours. I’m hoping to be a better me for my family, work on not letting things get to me as quickly and work on growing my less than 1 week old blog 🙂

  5. I very much enjoyed number 6: finding people less annoying and that wry comment about the difficulty inherent in that. I can relate. Tolerance, though, is always something worth getting good at. Great post, made me smile! I’ll be following you 🙂

  6. I really like your new year’s resolutions blog. Today I read many new year resolution blogs and this blog post seems to be very realxing and funny resolution listing. I should keep this spirit. Enjoy your 2019 and a very happy new year to all

  7. Happy new year mate!
    Point 9 is very true felt great to love myself in 2018 hope to continue the same. It was great to teach your kids to involve in the households

  8. These were great resolutions, very funny! I don’t yet have teenagers but your comment on him being the head dishwasher definitely gets me excited about what my kids can start to do around the household!

  9. These are some wonderful resolutions! I like the one about being loved, and loving in return, it’s so powerful. And the one about your son being the dishwasher, love it!

  10. You’re very witty! And your resolutions are definitely honest. My resolution is to allow myself to be a little selfish and not settle. In the past I’ve put my dreams aside to help everyone else.

  11. Liked it! Your points are making me to think and add them to my resolution list 😀 But I never set any new year resolutions so dropping that plan 😀 I wish you a wonderful year ahead.

  12. This was really enjoyable. I get so disenchanted with New Year’s resolution blogs and this was refreshing, genuine and funny. Thanks. I will be checking out more of your stuff in the future. Hope you return the favor. 🙂

  13. Haha this is great, totally not what you would expect from a resolutions article 🙂 I feel that taking ourselves just a bit less seriously is a good lesson for everyone 🙂 May you have an incredible 2019!

  14. Number 2 made me laugh, I’ll admit. And resolving to find people less annoying isn’t exactly easy, so I wish you luck on that. I could never do that.

  15. I wish you much success trying to achieve your 10 resolutions. I like your 10th one best. Have a terrific 2019!

  16. Hilarious and refreshingly different to all the other resolution posts out there. Good luck with the Resolutions – I’d love to see an update on them in a few months! 🙂

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