Random Thoughts…

Random thoughts.

I’ve done this before.

But then hasn’t everything been done before?

Apart from stuff that’s original.

Like rimplestumpling.

That’s a new invention.

It’s where you rimple a stumpling.

You can play it on your own.

Or when there’s nobody else to play with you.

To be honest it’s a shit game.

Like life.

And turnip thumping.

Which I also invented.

That’s the thumping of turnips, not life.

I didn’t invent life.

Someone called God did.

He was probably drunk at the time.

Or she was probably drunk at the time.

Unless God doesn’t exist.

In which case the gender debate isn’t relevant.

I was drunk when I invented turnip thumping.

If I hadn’t been I’d have used a pumpkin.

A smashing pumpkin.

I’m writing this lying in bed.

I’ve also been telling lies to my bed.

I told it I’d play rimplestumpling with it.

Which is impossible.

It’s a one player only game.

Also beds can’t play games.

That’s something that would be new.

A bed that can play games.

You can have that one for free.

By free I mean free million.

People who say free instead of three make me smile.

I think about them all the time.

Is that weird?

Am I weird?

Is it better to be weird or a weirdo?

Is weirdo Italian for weird?

The Italians do like the letter O.

I wonder which number they like best.

My favourite number is a banana.

This post is just a load of old nonsense.

Like life.

Which also makes no sense.

No sense is nonsense after the sad loss of a letter N.

There’s probably something profound in that.

But I can’t think what it might be.

I’m too busy being angry with Italians for making the letter N feel insignificant.

I feel insignificant sometimes.

But mostly I’m too tired for that.

All those years being next to the letter O must have been difficult for N.

They used to be a great team.

Battling to be top dog with team YES.

Why is there no such thing as a yes woman?

Men are ridiculous.

So are bum bags.

Bums with bags are ok.

I don’t blame the O though.

Or the Oboe.

Or Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I blame the Italians.

And Mountain Goats.

I made mashed potato today.

Although I messed it up.

I made a hash of the mash.

That was a joke.

Just like life.

8 thoughts on “Random Thoughts…

  1. Oh my God! Oh. Myyyyy. Godddd. I’m in stitches. I can’t even type! The hell goes on in your head. It’s brilliant. What’s your IQ? I’m genuinely curious…and very jealous.

    Why doesn’t my brain think up random-genius stuff like that? What’s your brain got that mine is lacking? If I could think up stuff like that all day I’d be hysterically laughing.

    But your mash joke sucked and I should know because I’m a sweet potato!

    I’m very pleased you’ve written some new material. Whilst I’m loving the old I’m going to run out of your posts to read soon so you have to keep going if only for my amusement!

  2. Oh my God! Oh. Myyyyy. Godddd. I’m in stitches. I can’t even type! The hell goes on in your head. It’s brilliant. What’s your IQ? I’m genuinely curious…and very jealous.

    Why doesn’t my brain think up random-genius stuff like that? What’s your brain got that mine is lacking? If I could think up stuff like that all day I’d be hysterically laughing.

    But your mash joke sucked and I should know because I’m a sweet potato!

    I’m very pleased you’ve written some new material. Whilst I’m loving the old I’m going to run out of your posts to read soon so you have to keep going if only for my amusement!

    1. No idea what my IQ is. Some people say I’m clever but they fail to realise that, while they’re telling me this, I’m trying to remember why I came in to whatever room we’re in, in the first place.

      You’re right about the mash joke. It’s rubbish.

  3. 😂😂😂😂 I’ve missed your posts – I do feel that thumping turnips could be the way forward as a brilliant stress relieving technique – on a serious note – hope you’re ok and going to be entertaining us more often with your brilliant posts xx

A comment will only take you a few seconds. It will make me smile for an hour!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.