I’ve done this before.
But then hasn’t everything been done before?
Apart from stuff that’s original.
That’s a new invention.
It’s where you rimple a stumpling.
You can play it on your own.
Or when there’s nobody else to play with you.
To be honest it’s a shit game.
And turnip thumping.
Which I also invented.
That’s the thumping of turnips, not life.
I didn’t invent life.
Someone called God did.
He was probably drunk at the time.
Or she was probably drunk at the time.
Unless God doesn’t exist.
In which case the gender debate isn’t relevant.
I was drunk when I invented turnip thumping.
If I hadn’t been I’d have used a pumpkin.
A smashing pumpkin.
I’m writing this lying in bed.
I’ve also been telling lies to my bed.
I told it I’d play rimplestumpling with it.
Which is impossible.
It’s a one player only game.
Also beds can’t play games.
That’s something that would be new.
A bed that can play games.
You can have that one for free.
By free I mean free million.
People who say free instead of three make me smile.
I think about them all the time.
Is that weird?
Am I weird?
Is it better to be weird or a weirdo?
Is weirdo Italian for weird?
The Italians do like the letter O.
I wonder which number they like best.
My favourite number is a banana.
This post is just a load of old nonsense.
Which also makes no sense.
No sense is nonsense after the sad loss of a letter N.
There’s probably something profound in that.
But I can’t think what it might be.
I’m too busy being angry with Italians for making the letter N feel insignificant.
I feel insignificant sometimes.
But mostly I’m too tired for that.
All those years being next to the letter O must have been difficult for N.
They used to be a great team.
Battling to be top dog with team YES.
Why is there no such thing as a yes woman?
Men are ridiculous.
So are bum bags.
Bums with bags are ok.
I don’t blame the O though.
Or the Oboe.
Or Obi-Wan Kenobi.
I blame the Italians.
And Mountain Goats.
I made mashed potato today.
Although I messed it up.
I made a hash of the mash.
That was a joke.
Just like life.