The Dating Game…
I went on a date with Erica,
we barely had anything to say.
It came as a bit of a surprise,
when we ended up rolling in hay.
I went on a date with Sharon,
she was three feet taller than me.
Love was never to blossom,
but she made a great cup of tea.
I went on a date with Veronica,
who cheated with my very best friend.
A bullet dodged with that one,
she murdered him in the end.
I went on a date with Andrea,
she insisted on paying her way.
So I ordered a caviar sandwich,
as she nibbled a single milk tray.
I went on a date with Henrietta,
a posh girl with a rich old man.
She liked that I was common,
and picked her up in a van.
I went on a date with Jack,
see if it changed my luck.
But it just wasn’t right for me,
men are boring as f*ck.
I went on a date with a Pony,
had to be very discreet.
We went for a romantic dance (Foxtrot 😳),
but she definitely had two left feet.
I went for a date with a Trumpet,
thought it would at least be a hoot.
Turned out this shiny instrument,
was only out for my loot.
I went for a date with Myself,
wore myself down in the end.
Should never have said yes though,
I came across a total bell end.
I wanted to date Suzanne,
but she said “no, not on your nelly”.
Instead of going rollerblading with me,
she stayed in watching the tele.
I went for a date with you,
but didn’t hold out much hope.
Twenty years and two kids later,
Without you I really can’t cope.